Hello, gang. It would seem that I am “back” after a bit of a busy hiatus. Where have I been? Well, let’s just say that the other publications I write for got the better of me last month. I was deep in this writing frenzy, sometimes penning up to ten or eleven reviews per week. That, coupled with the fact that I had to do my own regular update at Echo From Esoterica and finished up my own new CD and started sending copies of it out, sealed my fate for the month. But at the same time, it also gave me something amusing to talk about here.

For those of you who are just on the reading end of the web, I would bet that it is safe to say that you don’t tend to receive too much hate mail from rabid fans. I’m talking about the folks out there who like to give us music critics a piece of their minds, putting us in our places by telling us how “wrong” we are when we happen to not like their favorite group. Mind you, we get nice mail as well, sometimes asking us for recommendations of other albums we think the readers might like, or just thanking us for a piece we wrote and so on. But it’s the seething hate mail that tends to elicit the most laughs, the biggest smiles, and the greatest sense of satisfaction (well, at least to this writer) that we are being effective. After all, sometimes you wonder if anyone’s actually reading your review about some no-name band who managed to fart out a CD. Well, rest assured, they are.

Probably one of the most amusing things is that bands themselves will write me saying something like, “Thanks for the review, sorry you didn’t like the disc.” I even struck up a pleasant rapport with Mark Helm, who wrote in to thank me for writing exactly what I felt about his album over at PopMatters, that was indeed a lot less than what all the other critics have written about the man. So that’s an ironic but nice payoff that happens from time to time. Usually, though, it’s not the bands who become irate (Although I will never understand some of the punk bands who manage to misconstrue reviews you write about them that aren’t bad at all; apparently you can’t win with these guys, but I always figured that if you were truly punk, you wouldn’t care what the critics wrote, anyway.) but the fans. I wonder what some of these readers would think if they knew that their own heroes just said a polite thank you instead of zipping off a million insults.

I’d now like to share some of my favorite hate mail moments with you. Names and addresses have all been withheld, but these are actual bits that I received in my email box. First up is a fan of the Sloppy Meateaters, who didn’t seem to like the fact that I compared the band to Blink 182 and wasn’t completely won over by their sound. Now, bear in mind that the only negative things I said about the band were that the lead singer’s voice went out of key every time he tried to reach higher notes, and that the group’s music was indeed a bit of the same old kind of pop punk that is popular on MTV these days. Yet I did point out that the band did have a strong sound and could very well indeed become greater if the singer would just keep the notes within his own range. Still, that wasn't good enough for this guy. (Note, letters have been transcribed as-is with spelling errors intact.)

“The sloppy meateaters arn't much different from Blink 182 but there just as good. Its like saying brittany spears isn't much different from jessica simpson. "the Meateaters' sound isn't anything new or that radically different to make anyone take great notice" [quote from my review] no one sounds different anymore. They play simple cords and it sounds really good. Blink have there catchy songs that everyone likes and the sloppy meateaters are the same way. Anyone who like blink likes sme, i know because all my friends like both and some of my friends only like a couple songs from each band. the sloppy meateaters arn't gonna be popular over night give them time, they will be big or bigger then they are now. Once they are signed to a major label you'll see. I have seen these guys live and they are for real. Josh can sing and hit those notes. And his voice isn't whinny. You may think so but your the 1% of people that think so. EVERYONE that has listend to outta control, fat chicks and lonely day have liked it even if they only like one kind of music other the puck. SO SHUT YOUR FUCKIN PISS HOLE MOUTH JASONYOU DONT KNOW A GOOD BAND UNTILL YOU BUTTFUCK IT OUT OF YOUR GRANDMA GET SOME FUCKIN EARS AND THEN LISTEN TO IT SHIT FACE thanks for your time”

Lovely, no? I told this writer that I would indeed wait for the Meateaters to secure that big label contract. That way, he could start bitching about how they “sold out” like all the fans love to scream. Sweet irony. But moving right along…

Next up is a…well, I’m not sure if this guy was actually a fan of Dog Fashion Disco’s or not, but he certainly took the time to defend them.

“Well, Mr. Thompson... Does it make you feel good to rip apart a young band like Dog Fashion Disco? I'd like to see you get out there in the music industry and create a chart-topping album. It's actually quite a difficult thing to do, if you haven't noticed. These guys are new and they're experimental. Give them some time to develop and they may make something of themselves. I really don't see how you have the right to tell them to hang it up already. Don't you think it would have been more appropriate to encourage them to try something else. To me, your review was as tastless as their lyrics and I strongly suggest you make more objectional info of young bands. Because all good reporters know, no one but you cares about you're opinion, so keep it to yourself.”

I really wish these people could figure out the difference between “your” and “you’re”. I wrote back, telling this guy that it wasn’t in my job description to “encourage” bands. What critic does that, anyway? Oh I thought your album reeked, but here, let me give you some pointers so you’ll do better next time. We can make conjecture all day, and say, “Well if the guitars were a bit louder here”, or whatnot, but a lot of reviewers do that anyway. No one ever “encourages” some of my fave bands that other critics tend to dismiss, but that’s OK. I realize that we all have our opinions. I think that some of these readers tend to forget that, though. I finished up my reply by saying, “If no one cares about my opinion but me, then why’d you bother to write me in the first place?” And who are “all good reporters”? Roger Mudd? Morley Safer?

Finally, there’s this letter that a concerned Sights fan wrote to me just last week:

“ ‘I'd advise everyone to just stick with Moods For Moderns as far as good pop bands from Detroit go’

To update you, moods for moderns recently broke up due to the band jointly realizing that they sucked ass. Furthermore, the drummer (dave shettler) decided to join a good band. he chose this band called "the sights." you should check 'em out, 'cause they're good.

your blatant name dropping and lack of taste made me ill.

p.s. you suck and uh, write some more shitty reviews so that i might continue to mock you.”

Ah, the old “you suck” routine. Do my readers consist of 14 year olds? I wonder. This, by the way, is one of those that got a response from one of the band members that simply said “thanks for the review, sorry you didn’t like the album”.

So you see, this is just a bit of the fun that we reviewers and/or critics sometimes go through. Sure, I myself sometimes sit and read a review that panned something I loved and wonder what the reviewer was thinking, but I never get so personally pissed that I write a little number telling him or her to go shag a member of their family. It is amusing to see these letters and wonder how clever the writers thought they were being. They obviously didn’t really look over what they wrote, but rather just simply hit the send button after they were through venting. But just let it be known, rabid fans, that I am keeping a scrapbook of all these dandy replies. Who knows, I might make a fortune by turning it into a humor bestseller. Then you’d really be pissy.

Till next time, friends. Have a great holiday and I’ll see you next year.

___________________________________________________

To reach any other page contained in this month's update on Fufkin.com, read the home page for the appropriate link and click on it. You can also search the site from any page using the search box located at the top of each page. Merely type in the word, phrase, name of the band, recording, name of the Fufkin writer that you are looking for or Whatever in the search box, and then click on "Search". If you would like to e-mail us, go to the About Us page for a list of e-mail addresses.

Go back to the home page by clicking here

____________________________________________________