Jason Thompson: June, 2001

Your Link To The Outside World

What a smarmy title for this piece, eh? As if I actually thought you fellow fufkinites never got outside. I know you do, but in this ever-increasing digital age (is that sarcasm, or just a good catch phrase?) we sometimes become unaware of the real life events unfolding before our very eyes. That's not true. Is it? I have been busting my ass this week writing so many reviews and pieces that I almost forgot there was so much more out there than my seventeen inch monitor and keyboard. Lucky for you I love my job, else I would have packed this gig in long ago and started selling copies of Grit door to door.

Apparently, some portions of the vegetarian community (including those in our fair United States) are in an uproar over McDonald's and their use of beef flavoring in those delicious fries everyone goes on and on about. Specifically, it's the vegetarians who are getting in a snit. Other factions, such as those in India have taken to smashing the burger chain's property, equipment, and whatever else they can get their hands on that has to do with our beloved Golden Arches (actually, I wouldn't mind smashing up a couple of those Ray Kroc plaques that every McD's around here prominently display on their walls). It's true rock and roll rebellion against fast food.

As a meat eater, I could always get mad and scream about how so many things are fried in vegetable oil, but I won't (note satirical device; do not start sending hate mail yet). Personally, I'd rather scream about how McDonald's pushes such horrible music like Britney Spears and N Sync on us when they need to move a few more Happy Meal units. But then, the franchise's taste in music has never been too good. I remember back in the Nineties when they were pushing some Roxette discs and tapes around. Mmm.nothing better than a Big Mac and Roxette. Would you like some Jane Child with that milkshake? Perhaps some rocktastic EMF with your Quarter Pounder?

I suppose my main point in this wonderful piece is that we have allowed ourselves to become incensed by a fast food chain. I can only ask if there's really any surprise to McDonald's tactics. I say of course not. After all, we're talking about fast food here, the absolute bottom rung on the food chain. Ever since that silly woman spilled hot coffee on herself and sued McD's for serving HOT COFFEE (do you like yours cold?) and won no less, Ray Kroc's billion dollar baby has been taken to task time and time again. Let's not forget the other woman who wanted to sue a burger franchise when she allowed one of the pickles on her burger to fall on her chin and burn it. Gimme a break.

Of course, I'm talking about the extreme cases here that are just plain trivial. Remind me next time I'm enjoying a nice slice of freshly baked pizza to sue the restaurant when I burn my tongue on the cheese. Have we as a society become so lazy that the easy money is the only answer? I hope not. Ugh. My right eye is twitching from staring too long at this monitor. Better call up Hewlett Packard and inform them of the consequences they could be facing. Someone's always out of the circle of money somewhere. If it isn't the consumer, then it's the RIAA and its battle against online music sharing. If it isn't that, it's the recording artist getting bilked by the record label. Somewhere, someone's always getting shafted.

And speaking of getting shafted, I don't have to tell you about how much I despised The Blair Witch Project. It was easily one of the dullest movies I have ever witnessed in my life (along with The Phantom Menace, Bio-Dome, and anything with Macaulay Culkin). However, I got this crazy bug up my ass last week when I was trolling through half.com to plunk down a small amount of cash for a sealed DVD copy of Book Of Shadows, the first sequel to The Blair Witch Project. I had always wanted to see it, just because the first one was so incredibly bad. Certainly this one couldn't be any worse. And I know I could have just rented it, but I get weird sometimes and go on these buying sprees for crap I may not even like. Anyway, it turned out that I actually quite enjoyed the movie, no doubt due to the fact that it was simply a movie with no ridiculous amounts of hype, with actors who could act and a decent amount of Hollywood gore.

So there you have it. A full circle report on the outside world, even if it wasn't a perfect circle. From McDonald's to The Blair Witch in just a few paragraphs. It's not as odd as it may seem on the surface. The entertainment industry has a way of tying such dissimilar objects together every day. I mean, I'm sure the McDonald brothers never envisioned selling music with their hamburgers way back when. But the times have changed, along with everything else. For now, I'm going to go outside and breathe some of that fresh air that is no doubt polluted in various ways by factories and vehicles. Perhaps I should start taking everyone to court over that. Nah. I'll save that for another day.

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