Kurt Hernon: January, 2001

A Note to David Fufkin: Hernon Goes Underground

Dear Mr. Fufkin,

Enclosed is a note that was found on a sealed containment door to an underground bunker here in South Amherst, Ohio. The bunker is, according to title, on the property of one Mr. Kurt V. Hernon. It has been recently reported by both neighbors and Mr. Hernon's close friends and relatives that he is within the bunker and has no plans to come out anytime soon. It would appear that he has been telling local residents that he was "preparing for the millennium disaster" and had been observed stocking his underground shelter for the past several weeks.

We were called to investigate this past week when Mr. Hernon failed to show up at his place of employment for several days. When we arrived at his property we were unable to enter the bunker or make any type of contact or communication with Mr. Hernon, but found this typewritten note addressed to you in an envelope attached to the stainless steel door.

Unable to determine that any illegal activity has taken place, we now forward this to you. We suspect Mr. Hernon is safe and sound in his self-made underground home, but if you have any information to the contrary please forward it to us at:

South Amherst Village Police
#3 St. Rte. 101
South Amherst, Ohio
44XXX (440)XXX-XXXX

Thank you for your cooperation.

Lt. Garvin Sneed

David F.

By the time you get this I will be at full generator power (two Genertrice Drummond powered Leroy Sommers generators fueled by top-notch Robin engines) enclosed in a tomb of 18 inch poured cement and several thousand tons of stainless steel that is well stocked with enough water and rations, and essential high-class provisions (beer, food, booze) to last over a year. I also have a hi-tech communications system intact and will attempt to make contact with you several days after the anticipated Y2K1 disaster. Fortunately, with all of the misguided stupidity last January 1, this entire effort has been quite affordable. The laugh goes on those who mistook the last year of the last millennium as the first of this. In other words, the shit-rain is gonna fall with this one buddy, and I, for one am prepared.

You'll be happy to note that I have brought my entire collection of cd's, cassettes, and lp's, on this underground survival trek with me. The bulk of them are in storage bank #7 (a 12'x12' cube that is packed to the gills, leaving any of the deemed "nonessential" albums nearly impossible to reach). However, this played right into your greedy little editorial hands seeing as how it truly forced me to weed through all of my year 2000 acquisitions with a very keen eye. I feel that out of this garish necessity, for the first time ever, I can truly come up with a list of notable releases for the past year.

Yet, as I am obviously prepared for and convinced of the immediate and enduring disaster associated with the millennial turn, I find a certain fool's pride in the work I have sweat blood over for your fine readership. On the extremely remote possibility that I may be off in my anticipation of THE DOOM, I submit to you the years best - as seen through the eyes of a possible sole-survivor. I feel it is my duty.

The year was, in my best estimate, a fabulous one for music freaks in the margins (not a bad note to prelude the melt to chaos we're heading for). Taking off on some duly effective records of note Bob City's eponymous debut is in the disc player right now, so it made it. The Honorable Sounds are numerous and will be quickly listed for the record - in no particular order:

Bob City - Bob City
Lullaby Baxter Trio - Capable Egg: a swell lipped Canuck ex-stripper cooing sorta jazzy - ok!
Beezewax - South of Boredom: some guys from Norway or some cold place like that who had Posie Ken Stringfellow produce their Paul Westerberg obsession Black Crowes - Greatest Hits 1990-99
Johnny Cash - American III: Solitary Man: creepy in its tenor, the sounds of life's sunset, maybe he understands the Y2K1 threat also?!
Jason Darling - (song) "Hip Hop Hooray": he laments the music industrial machine better than any of us ever could
Charlie In The Box - (song) "Angeline": a modern horror film in three minutes - and a damn scary one
Marshall Crenshaw - This is Easy: The best of: because I should, you should, we all should
Steve Earle - Transcendental Blues: a minor disappointment (all over the map - sounds like outtakes at times), but even God made a few mistakes, and those are better than the shit others call their best
Everclear - Songs From an American Movie Vol. I: vol. II rocks harder, but this one shares nearly all the lasting memories of my youth as well as Art Alexakis' - you're familiar with the we-went-to-different-high-schools-together theory?
John Hiatt - Crossing Muddy Waters: see Marshall Crenshaw
Rancid - Rancid: the best moments are so damn hot on this thing, proving punk can matter. The other moment are confounding, proving punk ain't as easy as they all say it is
Radiohead - Kid A: because I still don't get what everyone else seems to hear in these guys - hoping someday I will
Mary Prankster - Roulette Girl: a funnier, sweeter, more fun to hang with real punk PJ Harvey - I bet she kicks ass harder too
Oasis - Standing on the Shoulder of Giants: I could lay this one at the feet of one song "Little James" - but I won't because I think this is the best thing these guys have ever done
Rudy Ray Moore - Hully Gully Fever: RR Moore - who is better known as 70's blaxploitation star and stand-up comic Dolemite started out as a 50's jump blues singer extrordinaire, and he wrote most of the songs too!
The Tubes - Infomercial, Dawn of the Tubes, World Tour 2001: some 15 years after the original and proper version of the band wound down three records - 2 from the proper era - roll out and toss around the same measure of weirdness they'd come to occupy. Inspirational song of the year: "Luncheon" off Dawn of The Villas - Secrets: a weird little pop thingy that kept my attention. I have no idea why
Marah - Kids in Philly: Although I'd recommend and prefer their first one, these guys turn an obsession for the very early Springsteen - which I generally prefer these days also - into pure sweat
Six-By-Seven - The Closer You Get: because no one, and I mean NO-FUCKING-BODY gave their songs better or more appropriate titles this past year - try "Eat Junk Become Junk" or "Sawn off Metallica T-shirt" (this was pre-Napster) on for size!
Dwight Yoakam - dwightyoakamacoustic.net: because no one and I mean...gave an album a dumber title, yet filled it with great renditions of even better songs
Jill Scott - Who is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol. I: a friend burned me a copy of this, well, that is if you call someone who gives you such addictive crack a friend

The Notably Notable (better than those, but not the best)

Zack - Let the Record Spin: I have no idea who this guy is, and I wanna keep it that way. "Dig That Shine" opens this thing up and leaves you smiling…
Shell - Shell is Swell: ugly, ugly, and ugly. The pain in every note remarks credibly on the horrifying adolescence we all try to bury, somehow the ugly becomes redemption
Jimmie Dale Gilmore - One Endless Night: fuck Texas and the whole tumbleweed connection, Gilmore is our modern Tony Bennett - a rock and rootser who phrases and tickles lyrics til they play in your ears like giddy children. I could hear him all day, and some days it seems like I do
Allison Moorer - The Hardest Part: is being sexy and powerful, and Moorer delivers a set that seems to be as haunting as it is sultry
Rich McCulley - After the Moment has Past: a guy who, quite simply, has rock and roll blood boiling through his veins
Jimmy Scott - Mood Indigo: age has masculinized his odd voice, time has worn his temperament. Now he's all he was always cracked up to be

The Final Cut (tops of the top)

The White Stripes - De Stijl: blooooooooze, boooooze, and possessed noise. Amen, amen, amen
Chris Harford - Wake: this guys always written good songs, now he conducts a miracle. Winner of the 'most listened to" award
Longwave - Endsongs: good records should what? sound good? Okay, I agree. Better than good
Ass Pony's - Some Stupid with a Flare Gun: David Lynch found the horrifying weirdness in small town America, these guys find it in themselves and, in turn, each and every one of us
COCO - COCO: cuz sometimes, I just wanna shake a little ass, so I do
Great Plains - Length of Growth 1981-89: the best little punk garage band that couldn't - only problem is that they did and no one heard
The Mekons - Journey to the End of the Night: I've said it before and I'll say it again - punk's last band standing has found more anarchy in quietness than any amplifier could propel
The Mermen - The California Health and Happiness Show: someone told me it might not be the same line-up the band has always had, I told them it's the same glory, so who cares
Sunshine - Velvet Suicide: Czech boys with Playboy subscriptions
Josh Ritter - Golden Age of Radio: remember that strange guy you saw the other day - old and haggard, driving a beat up pick-up with plastic on the driver side window? Ritter wants you to
Re-ish: Keith Whitley - Sad Songs and Waltzes: I'll never miss a voice near as much as I miss this one
Re- ish: Creedence Clearwater Revival - CCR, Wily and the Poor Boys, Green River, Cosmos Factory: four records in like twenty months! - every note worthwhile! - which is frightening. The purely American political messages by the time Wily rolled around were even more so
Shelby Lynne - I am Shelby Lynne: Shelby - marry me!

Well there you have it Mr. Fufkin. I've accepted our fate and your challenge. Don't let anyone ever tell you that a little Armageddon kept Hernon off deadline (I won't miss that fucking word when the sky falls!). I hope you have party plans, or better yet, have someplace to hole up, because this casket is sealed buddy. Good luck and Godspeed, may we meet again on the other side.

Your pal, Kurt

p.s. If I get this thing wrong (you know, the whole shit-rain, Armageddon, sky is falling thing) can I come above ground and still have my gig? Or did I go too far with this thing? If need be I can cover my own ass on this one in order to save you some face.

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