The World is Round: Radio, Schmadio: Part Six
Stern Warning

For the past five months, I have been talking about all things radio and, really, to get right down to it, the pathetic shape it is in. As I've said, it's up to satellite to save the universe. Terrestrial radio will survive, but its pulse will be faint on its best days.

You can look at satellite radio as a blank canvas on which is being drawn a grand plan for growth, centering around the promise of serving niche audiences like never before. Okay, maybe an all-polka channel is a bit of a stretch, but you get the idea. (But come to think of it…)

One of those niche audiences is the one that puts freedom of speech above all else. Many of those and other listeners-among them, the curious-will be Sirius subscribers in time for Howard Stern's January 2006 debut on that service. Most of them will be tuning in chiefly to hear Stern utter every alleged curse word imaginable. Then, after the novelty wears off, they will appreciate the newfound freedom afforded the King of All Media and either continue to listen as if he were still on traditional, over-the-air radio, or never tune in again.

My bet is that people will stay tuned. The cynical among you may say "Of course they will; they've just bought all of that Sirius equipment and a subscription. Of course they're going to listen." Well, a certain segment of the audience will be in that boat, certainly, but they may eventually stop listening to Stern and find other Sirius channels they like and stick with them. Or they'll listen to any and every channel, including the one Stern inhabits.

My other bet is that people who come to Sirius because of Stern will love satellite radio as an entity and be happy they plunked down the cash. They won't worry that perhaps XM would have been a better choice (that service is now the satellite home of Major League Baseball), because many of them will also get XM and become two-satellite radio provider families.

There has been a fair amount of movement in recent weeks on the part of lawmakers to see to it that the FCC has the same power over cable and satellite broadcasters as they do over the terrestrial variety. Their efforts are a collective waste of time; if you pay for programming, you have a right to get what you paid for. These politicos are chasing a wagging tail backwards, if you ask me.

Here's another bet I'll wager: Stern is as nervous about his new gig as those lawmakers are that he'll attract a large audience and corrupt each and every one of them in the process. The man has never worked on so blank a canvas; he'll really be reinventing his wheel, again. If he is successful, and there is really no doubt he will be, many more voices of their generations will be following in his footsteps. Of course, bad boys Opie and Anthony were snapped up by XM, but they're really not in the same league as Stern.

It will be interesting to see what happens next January, but whatever the outcome, don't expect to hear Stern saying just anything that pops into his head every chance he gets. One thing the man is, is smart; he knows better than just about anyone that with freedom of speech comes responsibility. He'll be keenly aware that anything too far out on the ledge will create trouble for him in some form or other. I suspect he'll be loose, but not loose enough to be a prisoner of his freedom.

That will about do it for our series on radio. I hope these words have given you something to think about. Next month, we'll be on to a new topic. Until then, happy listening.

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