Radio, Schmadio Part Four: A Shameful Curveball

I was all set to get going on a piece talking about the two satellite radio providers, XM and Sirius, when the following bit of news came across my desk. It is news that will knock your socks off, folks-news that will further muddy the path for present and future broadcasters.

According to the Associated Press, and as reported in the Washington Post Express, there are House and Senate bills pending that, if passed, could raise the maximum indecency fines from $32,500 to up to the whopping, obscene figure of $500,000. That's half-a-million dollars for each incident.

It is certain, if it hasn't been before, that the government is serious as a heart attack about cleaning up the airwaves, striking alleged filth from within spitting distance of your kids, your parents, your spouses, your significant others, your septuagenarians, your octogenarians, your opticians, your statisticians, the guys who run your local deli, and, last but not least, you.

Do you really want your government making decisions about what you should or should not listen to or watch? Well, apparently, you do, or at least some of you do, because the government is increasingly acting as surrogate parents to the citizens it serves. Keep in mind, these parents are as confused as your own.

How so? Well, the guidelines appear to be so hard to understand and follow that broadcasters find themselves having to make gut decisions that may or may not keep them from running afoul of the law. Fox Television recently blurred the backside of the father from its animated show Family Guy. Its animated show. Then there was the whole ruckus over the PBS show Postcards from Buster, in which the (here comes the "a" word again) animated Buster and his pal truck on over to Vermont and visit two lesbian couples during an episode that teaches kids about various things, this time such life-threatening inanimate objects as maple sugar.

A huge mega-deal is being made about Paul McCartney's 12-minute mini-concert during the halftime show in this weekend's big game; it has been reported that McCartney will not be having a wardrobe malfunction, nor will he be cursing or, apparently, lighting his Hofner bass on fire. The big game mojos know this to be a lock, because they've approved everything about Macca's halftime spot, right down to the lyrics he'll be singing.

Sheesh. C'mon, people. Write your congress folks, write letters to the editors of your local newspapers. Shout it from the rooftops: "I don't need anybody making decisions about what I should listen to or watch! I can make decisions for myself!" This is why God invented the on-off switch and the channel changer.

This is why Howard Stern, and Opie and Anthony, alleged purveyors of smut, have decided to move their soapboxes to Sirius and XM satellite radio, respectively. Stern, in particular, is tired of trying to work within guidelines that nobody understands and, therefore, continually runs the risk of teetering over the line and incurring fines for both his employers and himself.

This ridiculousness just has to stop. Any radio broadcaster looking to ply his trade is going to have to be giving satellite a lot of thought in the coming years; similarly, TV types are going to have to look for alternatives to stay off the radar of those who wish to censor, because that's what's really going on here.

So, there are two choices. One is that the FCC could work with broadcasters to develop standards that they all agree on-standards that are absolutely clear-instead of fining broadcasters to death. The other is that the FCC can just keep on fining broadcasters for following the ever-changing rules and driving them to alternative distribution paths.

I'm regrettably betting the second choice is the one that will remain in play. For radio people, satellite is their ticket to sane reasoning, which, I promise, leads nicely into next month's talk about XM and Sirius.

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