DO YOU HEAR WHAT THEY HEAR?

Ahhh, Christmas! That magical time of year when we share love, presents, and our special musical tastes – both good and bad. Like those mounted singing bass sold down at Wal-Mart, seasonal music is an acquired, personal taste that says more about the listener than the actual music.

Always proudly nosy, Ken Burke and I, flush with success from our remarkably vitriolic Pat Boone Hall Of Fame poll, decided to ask some music-minded acquaintances the following questions:

1) Which seasonal / Christmas recording do you never tire of hearing? What's special about it?

2) Which seasonal / Christmas recording irritates you?

Guess what they said?

John M. Borack of Goldmine magazine

1) Anything and everything off the "Yuletunes" CD (1991, Black Vinyl Records). "A God of My Own" by 92 Degrees, "Christmasland" by The Spongetones, "Merry Christmas Will Do" by Material Issue, "You Gave Me" by Herb Eimerman... the possibilities on this disc are endless, I tell ya. Every song is a gas, to paraphrase Brian Wilson.

2) "Ding Dong, Ding Dong" by George Harrison. Why? With lines like "Tomorrow, today will be yesterday," you have to ask? My sweet lord...

Morley Bartnoff as Cosmo Topper

1) It’s a tie between "Punk Rock Christmas" by Venus and The Razorblades and "Christmas Rapture" by Blondie.

2) Hey! It’s Christmas! No time to be irritated. Let’s watch The Charlie Brown Christmas Special one more time instead.

Dick Dale, King Of The Surf Guitar

1) "…chestnuts roasting on a Christmas fire...."

Irwin Chusid, most recently author of "Songs In The Key Of Z"

1) None.

2) All of them. I am Scrooge Number One when it comes to Xmas music. I hate it, hate it, hate it -- and despise it most for its unavoidability. For years friends and listeners have been mailing me clever cassettes and CDRs of Xmas novelties …which I abhor even MORE! Nothing goes into the nearest trashbin faster. Any candidate who promises to impose a permanent moratorium on Xmas music gets my campaign dollars. Have I made this clear?

Kevin Mathews, Touched by the Power of Pop

1) "Little Saint Nick." It's the Beach Boys, dammit! (editor: click to download mp3)

2) Anything done by a boyband/jailbait diva, etc etc.

Chris Breetveld, full-time Breetle

1) "Christmas Wrapping" by Chris Butler: It's tha groove thang and it's just so dang catchy.

2) All the rest, especially "Grandma Got Ran Over" …because they are boring.

Lane Steinberg, of the Manhattan lounge-pop duo Tan Sleeve

1) I really like "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. It's not sappy like 99% of Christmas songs. It has a great perspective and a cool production. I also like "The Christmas Song" by Mel Torme (though it's totally played out), because it has the most sophisticated chord changes of the holiday season.

2) For some reason, "Jingle Bell Rock" always makes me think of child molestation in a small town.

Mike McKay of Aaron Skye

1) An obvious choice: "Jesus Christ" by Big Star, for all the reasons I love Big Star in the first place: chiming guitars, harmonies, and a certain knowing innocence. (editor: click on "Jesus Christ" to download mp3) A not-so-obvious choice? "Winter Song" by Lindisfarne: a very affecting solo piece by their singer, the late Alan Hull. He doesn't get around to Christmas until the final verse, but he does. Thoughtful lyrics, tasteful backing; people I've played this for have invariably said, "Boy, that's really good."

2) "Felice Navidad" by Jose Feliciano. I can't say why; Jose is certainly a talented guy ...but it just makes me cringe every time it comes on the radio.

Al Muzer, New Jersey music journalist extraodinaire

1) Least and most favorite are one and the same: Don Charles Presents The Singing Dogs’ "Jingle Bells" b/w "Oh! Susanna." Led by tenor-bark Rex with Spot, Fluffy and Brown Dog on backing yelps, yips, growls and howls, The Singing Dogs add that little something extra to this oft-covered holiday staple that elevates the tune to a whole new level. The group’s spirited reworking of Stephen Foster’s "Oh! Susanna" in their distinctive staccato ‘n’ growl style gives the tune the lonesome, high plains spirit the author undoubtedly had in mind when composing it. Despite a slew of records by such fly-by-night acts as The Meowing Kitties, The Oinking Pigs, Bessie and the Barn Animals, The Black Sheep, and a first-rate reissue from the genre’s original war horse, Mr. Ed, The Singing Dogs remain the true masters of the singing animals idiom.

Pete Green, the atheist Ghost Rocket

1) None.

2) All of them. No matter who it is. The commercialization of this most religious of holidays sickens me. Any person who would take advantage of this time of year is pretty scummy. Hence it's no surprise that self proclaimed artists such as Kathie Lee Gifford and Celine Dion work their fingers to the bone promoting their "very special Christmas" album. The truly sad part is that people actually buy that crap. I could also include the teeny boppers in my list (Backstreet Boys, N’sync, 98 Per Cent etc.), but I give them some slack. It's their greedy managers and producers who exploit the Christmas holiday, not the boys in the band. I'm not saying they too are not greedy sons-a-bitches, but they all seem to have this haze of stupidity over their eyes. They seem like the type of naive kids who'd eat a lump of shit if their producers told them it'd make 'em a buck. Britney Spears, however, I think is fully responsible for the degradation of the holiday in her fans' eyes. It is my opinion, that this once carefully molded and controlled vocalizer, is now in complete control of her own career. She knows exactly what she's doing. Did you see the MTV awards? Neither did I, but you heard what she did, right? She's brilliant. When she's too old and saggy to shake that thang on MTV, she'll make an excellent PR woman. I digress. When it comes to pop music, we're talking about a young demographic. When it comes to Christmas albums, we're talking exploitation. And while I could continue to point the finger at bands and managers for exploiting the "giving" spirit of Christmas, ultimately it's up to the parents of that young, CD buying demographic to teach their children what this holiday is really all about, and why their child's "favorite band in the whole world" sucks. Put the Christ back into Christmas, please!

Mick Hargreaves, the SURFING Ghost Rocket

1) "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. EXCELLENT bass line and, just like "Strawberry Fields," it has a lyric about cranberry sauce.

2) That one by Bruce Springsteen, and, not that I need a reason, but one reason is because there's a vocal part by almost-N.Y. Jet Clarence Clemons.

Mr. Mike of the one and only SparkleJets U.K.

1) The first Johnny Mathis Christmas album. The one where he's got the skis in one hand and the ski poles in the other. It just wouldn't be Christmas to me without it. It's one of many we'd play in our house when I was a kid and was always our family favorite. Still is. A perfect mix of joy, beauty, wonderment, a really nice string section, and a nice echo chamber. A few runners up would be the one by The Lettermen, and of course the amazing one by The Beach Boys, that had I knew it as a child would probably be my Number One. Let's also not forget Martin Newell's "Christmas in Suburbia" which although it's not traditional (or even positive) is very, very evocative. Plus, Mr. Newell LOOKS like Christmas. Harry Belafonte made some great records too.

2) Anything with ROCK ‘N’ ROLL on it, especially that Jimmy Iovine "Very Special Christmas" crap. YUCK! Christmas should always remind you of how great it was to be a kid, so I like to surround myself with nostalgic warm fuzzy things at Christmas time. Isn't that why we all do it? Those old records are the soundtrack of those times, and I think they nail the feeling of it. The 50’s, in my opinion, WERE Christmas: cookies and parties and lights around the house. We don't get snow in California so we have to drum up the spirit with choice tuneage. The more traditional the better at my house. I love those old background singers too. Wow.

Lord Litter, singer / songwriter / international DJ

1) VERY easy to answer: It's "Bluegrass Christmas" by Haywire (Gene Parsons on guitar, banjo). The only Christmas recording ever really TALKING to me. Didn’t even like Roy Wood's Christmas tunes or Slade's monster smash "Merry Christmas Everybody." "Bluegrass Christmas" definitely captures best the real spirit of "nature, peace, a silent night." This is pure, this is real, PEACE. Can't praise this enough !!!

2) All others. None of them recaptures the SPIRIT.

Tom Vincent, currently leading the guitar in Hoboken, NJ's Big Galoots y'alternative country-rockers

1) NRBQ's "Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas" (not even sure of the name.) What's special about it? Don't know, but I've put it on in July and still enjoyed listening to it.

2) "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer." Why? Back when you could get dollar draft beers at happy hour at the Lone Star Café, one of the local news shows was taping this guy for a segment. He ran through that fucking song 15 or 16 times and no amount of dollar beers could ease the pain. And thanks to state-dependent learning effects I can sing the whole damn thing after a few drinks. It's in my head right now. SHIT. SHIT.

John Kenyon, editor, Sticks & Stones magazine

1) Most any rock 'n' roll Christmas song, like Elvis's "Blue Christmas," U2's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" anything by The Beach Boys (think "Little Saint Nick"), etc. This is probably because these songs, while they have a Christmas theme and a bit of the feel (usually thanks to sleigh bells), also transcend the schmaltz of usual Christmas fare because they have energy and could be heard in the dog days of summer and still sound good.

2) The obvious: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," which is execrable, and should be banned from the airwaves. And any rendition of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" that involves a children singing it, in whole or in part. Ugh.

Robert Pally, Swiss chocolate journalist

1) "Silent Night" is my favorite Christmas recording. It reminds me on how beautiful Christmas was when I was young. And it gets me in the right mood for it. I am a hopeless romantic. (editor: Click on "Silent Night" for Frank Sinatra version in mp3 format.)

2) It’s not a special song; it’s more the fact that certain artists bring out every year a Christmas album only to make a few bucks. I still believe in the true meaning of Christmas, which doesn't have anything to do with making money.

George Makovic of Rock Beat International magazine

1) Secular: "I'll be home for Christmas" Spiritual: "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" Or maybe that one that goes, "bring a torch for Queen Isabella, bring a torch move swiftly along..."

Mike McDowell, editor/publisher of Blitz Magazine

1) I never get tired of Bobby Helms' "Jingle Bell Rock." Although not really reflective of the true spirit of Christmas, it's got that timeless almighty hook like two other records that broke around the same time: Danny And The Juniors' "At The Hop" and the Silhouettes' "Get A Job." Records like those three hold up remarkably well under repeat plays.

2) On the other hand, overkill has taken all of the joy out of Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song." Lately, I've found the recent classic "Mary, Did You Know" (done by such diverse types as Kenny Rogers, Donny Osmond and Barry McGuire) to be much more in line with what Christmas is really all about.

Bill Lloyd, always Set to Pop

1) Fave Christmas song would have to be "The Christmas Song" written by Mel Torme. Even though Alex Chilton did a nice rendition, Nat King Cole's version is flawless.

2) "The Twelve Days of Christmas" comes to mind as being one of the most irritating holiday classics. It reminds me of "100 Bottles of Beer On the Wall."

Bruce "Mole" Mowat, father of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada rock journalism

1) The Big Star version of "Jesus Christ." Shimmers without a trace of guile …unlike the "Bach's Bottom" version. (editor: Click on "Jesus Christ" to download mp3)

2) Anything jazz-ish by Perry Como: reminders of why rock 'n' roll was necessary in the '50s.

Robert Barry Francos, founding editor of the legendary Ffanzeen fanzine (est. 1978)

1) Favorite? "A Christmas Carol," by Tom Lerher: "Christmas time is here by golly, Disapproval would be folly, Deck the halls with hunks of holly, Fill the cup and don't say when, Murder ducks, geese and chickens, It's time to roll out the Dickens, Even though the prospect sickens, Brother, Here we go again. At Christmas time you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to rob him all the more, The other 364. Relations sparing no expense will, Give some useless old utensil, Or a matching pen and pencil, "Just the thing I need, how nice." It doesn't matter how sincere it is, Or how heartfelt the spirit, Sentiment will not endear it, What's important is... the price. "Hark the Herald Tribute" sing, Telling sales of wonderous things." "God rest ye merry merchants, May you make the Yuletime pay. Angels we have heard on high/Tell us to go out and buy." So, let the raucous sleighbells jingle, Here comes our good friend, Kris Kringle, Dashing his reindeer across the sky ...Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

2) Least favorite: "Little Drummer Boy," especially the Bowie/Crosby version. Yeeeeeeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkkkkk.

Betsy Palmer, ever-devoted promo vixen of Bomp! Records USA

1) It's a tie: Johnny Mathis and Elvis ...reminds me of Mom. 2) "Sing Along With Mitch Miller" ...reminds me of Mom. Dale Hawkins, oh "Suzie Q" !! 1) "White Christmas." What's special about it? Clyde McPhatter and The Drifters, with Clyde doing the high vocals ("…I Y I Y Y Y Y Y'm dreaming of a white Christmas.")

2) I really can’t think of any! Why? IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Wanda Jackson, Queen of Rockabilly

1) Anne Murray’s "Christmas Wishes." I have "Merry Christmas From Elvis" is what I have. George Strait’s "Merry Christmas Strait To You." Kenny G, I love his Christmas album. I love choir groups.

2) I think it’s wonderful that they play the Christmas music, and sometimes I’m fearful that they’ll stop – things have become so secular. I’m a Christian and I’d like to hear more of the songs about Christ, which is what Christmas is all about. All I hear is "Frosty," "Rudolph" and all that stuff.

David Wheatley, the artist currently known as Daza

1) Jimi Hendrix, "Silent Night." His version pulls out the pain of entire year leading up to Christmas before you get to the silent night. Kind of like life, with one moment of peace to look forward to. I dig the pain; lets it out.

2) Any song pretending that there is anything "nice" and "sweet" about Jesus. I hate cute, and cute worship propaganda is irritating.

John Mars, http://members.aol.com/bluestar55/johnmars.html

1) If it was a single recording, I'd have to say Canned Heat and the Chipmunks’ historic summit meeting "The Chipmunk Song" b/w "Christmas Boogie," as it's very, very funny. It's sure to enthrall everyone, young and old. If it was an album it'd be "A Christmas Present ...And Past" by Paul Revere And The Raiders. That album comes from around the time of their "Revolution" album, which was one of those great peaks in the Raiders’ history. So, it's that line-up of the band with Joe Jr., Freddy Weller and Charlie Coe. Mark Lindsay and Terry Melcher wrote almost all the songs on that one which is nice, because most Christmas albums are just cliches, but the Raiders' lp is a true original. It's good for a special evening by the fireside, or for play during family dinner. It sets a real nice atmosphere.

2) Well, I do sometimes get kind of tired of hearing ANY version of "A Little Drummer Boy," including that one with Bing and Bowie. My dad always groans when any take of that number comes on the radio. Even the Joan Jett attempt bugs me. It's one of those numbers that you've just heard way too many times, I guess.

Steven Rappaport, genius behind the 1963 Top Twenty smash "The Martian Hop" by the legendary RanDells!

1) "Jingle Bell Rock," the Bobby Helms version. Great song, great vocalist for the song, very happy. The bridge works terrifically - I like the change from major (What a bright time) to minor (It's the right time) and back to major (To rock the night away). Next time around it goes to a 7th (Is a swell time). It's harmonically great. But it's the happy sound that really makes the song for me. "Rockin Around the Christmas Tree," Brenda Lee. Anything Little Miss Dynamite sang was OK with me. Killer voice. But I also liked what I think are steel guitar riffs. "White Christmas," Darlene Love. Phil Spector production, totally original arrangement, great voice. Best second version of the song: The Drifters.

2) Worst Christmas record: by far, The Royal Guardsmens’ "Snoopy's Christmas." Also, I hate to say it, but Roy Orbison's "Pretty Paper" is yucky, as is Vic Dana's "Little Alter Boy." Gag me with a reindeer.

Gene Sculatti of Billboard magazine

1) I guess anything off Bobby Darin's "25th Day Of December" album ("Child Of God" was the single) or the Four Seasons' version of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" are the ones I never tire of hearing …but then I'm the only one who plays 'em, so I guess it makes sense. Their specialness, I suppose, is that they both come from back in my day and that, in the long lost way only early-60s pop can, they each "rock."

2) Can't really think of which seasonal song tires me (it's not that I love 'em all; rather, nothing really riles).

Alan Clayson, chansonnier, pop historian and erstwhile leader of Clayson and the Argonauts

1) "The Moonlight Skater" by Alan Clayson. Because a recent remake (with a new arrangement and a specially composed bridge section) would satisfy every qualification of a Christmas Number One if issued in time for the December sell-in when the usual chart rues don't apply, and you can get away with the ravages of middle age. Over the past ten years, it's been covered by Dave Berry, Jane Relf, and Stairway.

2) "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" by John and Yoko, because, regardless of the time of year and its worthy sentiment, I hate it for the same intangible reasons as I hate "I Got You Babe" (Sonny and Cher) and "March Of The Mods" (Joe Loss). The fault for this is probably mine entirely.

Beverly Paterson of Twist And Shake magazine

1) I never tire of hearing "Snoopy's Christmas" by The Royal Guardsmen. It brings back good memories of when I was younger than yesterday and besides, it IS The Royal Guardsmen. That alone qualifies for a classic of any stripe!

2) "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" irritates the egg nog out of me. It isn't even funny. An insult to our kindly grandmothers and those groovy reindeers that make things happen!

Johnny Dowd, whose latest and greatest album, "Temporary Shelter," will be out come February on Koch

1) "Little Drummer Boy." Great drumming.

2.) "Jingle Bell Rock." I don't think you should mix rock 'n' roll and Christmas.

Ed James, http://members.aol.com/EdWorld

1) "You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch!" by the Whirling Dervishes. It's so dang cool, and it rocks. I wish I would have covered it. I could listen to it year-round. Metallica only wishes they were this cool.

2) Anything sung by Kathie Lee Gifford. Do you really have to ask?

Prewitt Rose of SRO Records (and discoverer of Ral Donner!)

1) My favorite Christmas song is whatever you say it is! Why? How would I know? I don't even know what my favorite song is yet until I read about it in whatever publication you so desire. Ditto for the Christmas song I dislike most!

2) Sure, quote me! Anything you or Gary Pig say I said is plenty good enough for me! Hey, YOU guys are the writers, not me. (I hate Pat Boone's Christmas song about the little green Christmas tree. I've got a 45 rpm copy of that piece of trash somewhere in the cellar. It's a cellar dweller!)

Jeffrey Thames (King of Grief), host/producer of "Sound Awake" on KPFT-FM Houston

1) Without contest, "Jingle Bells" as parlayed by The Singing Dogs. I've always been a dog lover (that's not to say I don't love my three cats), and hearing a bunch of purty puppies bark a holiday classic never fails to make me smile. When I first got it on CD in 1990 (bless you, Dr. D), I played it for my Doberman, Sam (may he rest in peace), and he just stared at the speaker for the full time it was on. Nothing like music to help you bond with your savage beast. Plus, legend has it that they were signed to RCA after Nipper heard them harmonizing around a fire hydrant. Ah, folklore.

2) Ask me again about a week before Christmas after I've been properly inundated...

Iñaki Orbezua , editor, Otoño Cheyenne magazine

1) Basically, there are two Christmas recordings that I never tire of hearing, year after year, and those are Spector's Christmas album (an obvious one I know, but I just love this one record so much ...and because it's like the first concept album in the Pop era, and I kinda like concept albums) and the second one is by a Spanish singer by the name of Raphael: his classic "Four Christmas Songs" EP (an excellent version of "The Little Drummer Boy" in Spanish) from the mid-60's will never be absent from my turntable on Christmas time. This guy is still singing today, he must be around 55-50 years old, and is now singing on the Jekyll and Mr. Hyde musical here in Spain. He's awesome!!!

2) I could name quite a few Spanish artists that make horrible Christmas music, but then again when I think of people like Michael Bolton and Mariah Carey doing those IRRITATING Christmas albums... then I wish it was summer again!

Tom Beaujour, executive editor, Revolver magazine

1) "Father Christmas" by The Kinks: not just a good Christmas song, but a great song period. Sounds even better in July.

2) That John Lennon "War is over" song makes my ass ache.

Jeffrey Glenn of The Retros

1) I've loved The Royal Guardsmens’ "Snoopy's Christmas" since I first heard the original 45 in 1968. A great, anthemic (and very catchy) chorus with nice use of bells and horns and the kind of harmonies that it seems every band could pull off in the Sixties at will (but which precious few seem to be able to now) make this a very memorable song for me. Of course the "asking peace of all the world and goodwill to man" sentiment is universal, and the related anti-war subtext works because it's not directly stated (although I wouldn't have caught that at the time - I was only been nine). I just love it! I also really love "Christmas Wish" by NRBQ.

2) This is easy! "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" (by Elmo & Patsy, of course) has got to be the most crass, stupid, and downright unlistenable abominations ever to hit the Christmas airwaves! Talk about appealing to the lowest common denominator! It makes you feel inbred just listening to it! Naturally, it's one of the most played Christmas songs now. Go figure.

Tony Wilkinson of American Music magazine

1) "The Phil Spector Christmas Album," which is just the wonderful masterpiece of how to capture the feel good spirit of Christmas (editor: click on "White Christmas" or "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love to download mp3s), "’Twas The Night Before Christmas" by Huey Piano Smith and the Clowns, which is sheer rockin’ fun to listen to, and "Christmas With Tammy Wynette," in which Tammy pours her heart and soul and the quality/feeling with which she sings the songs is simply awe inspiring. Lastly, it has to be "Christmas with Elvis": his voice and emotive singing were never in grater shape. From this comes my all time favorite Christmas track, "Santa Claus Is Back In Town." This track is full of absolute raunch and grind, and the lavish expression in the curl and sneer of his singing leaves one in no doubt what this Santa is coming down your chimney after. Pure excitement.

2) As to the most duff Christmas track, there are several and one of the paramount selections has to be "The Chipmunk Song" by Canned Heat and The Chipmunks: just a sheer travesty and pure waste. However, my choice as the worse all-time Christmas recording has to be "A Not So Merry Christmas" by Bobby Vee. Apart from bearing a remarkable similarity to "Run To Him," the sheer wimpness of the cut is breathtaking. It is bury-your-head-under-the-pillow time and blot-out-the-world time, if one has the misfortune to be in audible range when this played. Excruciating, to put it mildly.

Lisa Mychols of The Masticators

1) Well, it used to be "Do You Hear What I Hear" until "We Are The World" came out and got completely overplayed! Burned me out on what WAS my fave Christmas song! Now it is "What Child Is This!" Again... "Greensleeves"? The melody is all about chills, and it is constantly moving like a rollercoaster! It's graceful and powerful.

2) "Blue Christmas" ...sorry to all ye Elvis Fans, but that background part really bothers me! Always has. My mom would play that album and I would hold my hands over my ears and run around the house holding my breath. Why holding my breath, I don't know. I was a little weird too.

Tammy Ferranti of Tammy and the Lords of Misrule

1) Hmmm… "What Child is This?" because the melody comes from the traditional "Greensleeves," one of my favorite tunes in 3/4 waltz time. It is also fun tune to try and play in 4/4 by the way! Try it.

2) "I'm Gettin' Nuthin' for Christmas," because when I was a child my parents would sing this song whenever I misbehaved -- especially when Christmastime was approaching. "I'm gettin' nuthin' for Christmas. Mommy and Daddy are mad. I'm gettin' nuthin' for Christmas. 'Cause I aint been nuthin' but bad." (God, who did this song anyway? It wasn't Soupy Sales was it??? And what about that other awful song? "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth.")

Bob Brainen, WFMU-FM jock and one actual Breetle as well

1) Fave: "Christmastime Is Here" by Vince Guaraldi (from "A Charlie Brown Christmas"?) NRBQ do this song live with a worldess vocal, "duh-duh-duh....": just lovely.

2) Least fave: MOST Christmas songs.

Lach, Father of the NYC anti-folk scene, and current proprietor of Fortified Records as well

1) "Blue Christmas" is the first to come to mind. Elvis still had a little bit of the other-wordly unknown radio sound. It's embracing and lonesome at the same time. I also like the Joni Mitchell "Comin' On Christmas" from the "Blue" album. Hell, I just like sad Christmas songs.

2) Maybe Bruce's. It was fun the first year but now it's got a ton of Corporation radio fucking it up the ass.

Mark Johnson, whose 1992 "12 in a room" album all but kick-started the entire Pop music renaissance

1) "The Chipmunk Song." Why? Because "we can hardly stand the wait" always sounded like "we've been hoggish and 'go wayne' (my best friend's name at the time was Wayne) …that's all that mistaken rock lyric stuff I'm into. But REALLY, FOLKS...what a record! Really: it was Number One, original, and a great melody. I don't hear it enough at Christmas time! The B-side was a song called "Almost Good," or that may have been the B-side to Alvin's orchestra. Let’s hear it for David Seville. HE WAS IN REAL WINDOW!!! Played a frustrated songwriter!

2) I tire most of modern attempts to put over Christmas music by people who just think it's good to do for their careers and do bad things the rest of the year. You can always tell who they might be.

Linda Gail Lewis, Jerry Lee’s sister and Van Morrison’s current singing partner

1) I think it’s Nat King Cole’s "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire." There’s just something about that song; his voice is so beautiful and the song is so beautiful. It reminds me of being at home on Christmas and being with my parents; they’re deceased now. It reminds me of that time in my life when me and my brother, my sister, and my parents were all together.

2) I’m such a big Christmas person and I love Christmas music so much, I don’t even know if there’s one that exists like that. I get so in to all that. I was talking to Van about it the other night and he was saying how he dreads this time of year and I’m saying, "Oh, it’s the greatest thing in the world! We can watch Scrooge and "Miracle On 34th Street." I love all that stuff so much. The biggest speeding ticket I ever got came when I was driving my kids back from somewhere one night and we were singing Christmas carols. I was making like 90 miles an hour, I kept going faster and faster because the carols were getting faster and faster. I talked that highway patrolman into giving me a ticket that said I was making 75 or something, or else they would’ve taken my insurance away. I said, "I was singing Christmas carols, please don’t do this to me." The Singing Cats are the only thing. My husband’s niece has that damned recording and I don’t like her anyway – and you can quote me on that. Some times we have to get together with her because it’s one of those things you have to do, and that bitch will put that damned thing on. It’s horrible: "Meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow…" It’s really bad.

J.R. Taylor, writer for the esteemed New York Press and Playboy.com

1) With the citizens of Whoville about to be made villains in a big-screen travesty, it seems more important than ever to celebrate "Welcome Christmas" from "How The Grinch Stole Christmas." The Waitress' "Christmas Wrapping" is also way overdue to be animated as a Christmas special. But my personal favorite Christmas moment remains "Merry Christmas, Neighbor" by the cast of "Bonanza." This song truly captures the warmth of the holiday. The Cartwrights always had a real sense of neighborly love …even though their ranch took up most of the county.

2) As for the worst, it's easily The Pogues doing "Fairytale of New York" ("featuring Kristy MacColl," of course, as a million pop geeks immediately proclaim). What a lame and safe excuse for Christmas sentimentality. Naturally, college radio continues to embrace the song as a hipster holiday classic

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Gary Pig Gold: November, 2000

Gary Pig Gold: October, 2000

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