GARY PIG GOLD
this month has
"EIGHT QUESTIONS For CHRIS BREETVELD"

Long, long ago in a far distant land, back when I was still living the life of Beach Boy clone musician 'way up Canada way, I'd love arriving home from being on the road (again) to discover the latest meticulously-labelled-'n'-wrapped cassette from someone named Chris Breetveld, who had somehow managed to ferret out my mailing address and would use it to fill my life with regular doses of his very own particular breed of semi-phonic, multigenerational pet sounds.

At first, I would tend to cast these wholly unsolicited ninety-minute wonders aside with a derisive "aw jeez, here come another twenty or thirty songs from that guy in Jersey, with nine or ten verses -- not to mention chords -- where two or three really should easily suffice." But lo, as my headphones and temperament adjusted, I came to slowly realize all of these little Breetapes honestly did, and could, stand proudly alongside most each and everything ELSE I was then listening merrily to (specifically speaking? "Oranges & Lemons," that first B. Wilson solo album, and the original vinyl (!!) pressing of R.X. Heyman's "Living Room!!")

Well, here it is well over a decade later, now I'M living in Jersey, and yes indeed, Chris is still busy releasing ear-boggling clumps of intricate though oh-so-delicate powerful pop, now as none other than The Breetles, right over there on Permanent Press Records. You know? I'm truly happy for the muchly-deserved success and recognition Chris now enjoys, am proud to say I still fondly recall his daze as the Grip Weeds' bassist-du-jour ("the Breet" would always insist on soundchecking with his patented one-man-band rendition of the Overture from "Tommy"), and I actually managed to sit him still long enough to find out, on behalf of us all...

1. "Munsters" or "Addams Family": Which one’s for you, and Why?

Morticia Addams says it all: Babe then, still a babe now. I did, however, always love Grampa Munster, but that show was never as funny/clever as the Addams.

2. Who in the world, living or dead, would you most like to play a game of "Twister" with?

Debbie Gibson …and I wouldn’t mind being the mat.

3. How many Sid King & The Five Strings records do you own?

None. Can I have one of yours? Oh come on… Please?

4. If you had been working the front gate at The Dakota that night back in 1980 when nasty Mark David Chapman showed up, pistol in hand, to avenge the Chief Beatle for his "Bigger than Jesus" wisecrack, what would you have done?

Pointed the gun towards Yoko, then scream "Just kidding!" Actually, I would look for the person who thought of naming that "Strawberry Fields" memorial in Central Park. How d-u-m-b!

5. "Ginger" or "Mary-Ann": Which one’s for you, and for How Long?

Ginger: Babe then, etc… though what a shitty show that was, little buddy! You know, I think that you can come from different backgrounds, different ethnic cultures, different planets and solar systems and still have one thing in common: GILLIGAN’S ISLAND SUCKS. [editor's note: "Huh?!!!"]

6. What single song, living or dead, do you most wish you’d written… and Why Didn’t You?

A tie: "Bus Stop" and "No Milk Today" by Graham Gouldman. Why? Because he won the toss.

7. Whose drum kit would you most like to be reincarnated as?

Dennis Diken’s of the Smithereens etc., because he gets all those good gigs!

8. In 2000 words or less, Your hopes, Aspirations and Goals, musical and otherwise, for your life and your country?

Beloved Pop horse’s arse and crank. Champion of under-achiever, primitive-playing musician/songwriters and home-tapers everywhere. And I want my picture to be on a cereal box someday. Yes, and I think America should bring back the five-cent nickel and quarter cigar -- even though that’s not my brand.

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Gary Pig Gold: January, 2001

Gary Pig Gold: December, 2000

Gary Pig Gold: November, 2000

Gary Pig Gold: October, 2000

About Gary

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