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David
Fufkin on Whatever: August,
2002

 

Liam and Noel: A Conversation Back Stage at the Pompano Beach Amphitheatre and My Note to Liam

The Conversation

Liam Gallagher: God...I don't want to be here.

Noel Gallagher: Just shut up...the tour is just starting in the US for bloody sake.

LG: Fu.. You, Noel. Don't remind me. I don't feel like doing this show tonight.

NG: What the hell do I care. Do it...don't do it...just shut the f..k up.

LG: If you tell me to shut up one more time, I'm gonna come over there and shove my foot up your arse.

NG: Just try it, sissy boy. I don't know how long I can keep covering up for your pathetic antics. You are such a fool. We should have broken up before this tour.

LG: Why should we? If they want to pay us to go through the bloody motions, who the f..k cares. Certainly, the bloody American audiences don't know rock 'n roll if it bit them on the back side. Stupid sods...raising their arms with a pint in their hand screaming "rock 'n roll". What the f..k do they know about rock 'n roll? Oh..and the morons walking around wrapped in Union Jacks. Are we supposed to take that as a tribute? This whole American tour is a farce.

NG: I told you to shut up. Are you deaf? You just wait until a few years from now when bloody MOJO does your bloody obituary you fool. Those people pay serious money for our records and to see us play. How could I have ever been so stupid to let you sing lead vocals in this band?

LG: F..k you. Without me, you aren't s..t. I'm not the one who copped every chord and guitar lick that John Squire ever played. You are just a bad impressionist. If anyone actually listened to your atrocious playing, they'd hear nothing but the same song written over and over.

NG: I am serious this time. I am going to kill you. With your sunglasses and your pout and your posing and your scarf. Impressions...impressions? If it were the '70s, you would be a bloody dandy male groupie for David Bowie and Iggy Pop in a drunken stupor. I can hear you whimpering now: "Oh, David...I love you" as they laugh at you like a big joke. Next time we see Weller I am going to let him really give you an ass kicking. The last time we spent any time with him, I saved you. He is really through with your baby shenanigans. You are boring...do you know what that means, Liam...boring?

LG: You are just jealous because all the girls come backstage to meet me.

NG: Just send them my way because you wouldn't know what to do with a woman if it was your best day.

LG: What time is it?

NG: Around 8:30 p.m.

LG: When do we go on?

NG: Around 9:30

LG: Who is warming up?

NG: Soundtrack of Our Lives

LG: Keep them out there as long as possible. Where's the f...kin' relish tray...I want something to eat.

NG: You want to eat...go to the trailer next door.

LG: Where's the fu...n' road manager? Can you find him and get me a damn sandwich. I'm not going out in that heat.

NG: What about when we play?

LG: I'll see how I feel. If it's too hot after a few songs, I am just going to leave the stage and you can finish the show. Fu.. these blokes in Florida. What an awful place. I'll just say that my voice is gone. It is almost. Who cares. We've been paid.

NG: I'm not going to argue with you. Do whatever the f..k you want. My life is a nightmare with you in it.

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Oasis opened their US tour Friday, August 2, 2002 in South Florida, USA. I paid about $85.00 with "convenience charges" to hear Oasis with Liam sing 2 songs in an amphitheatre with 3000 people in 90 degree heat and humidity. Liam walked off the stage claiming he couldn't continue because of his voice. The band continued. I left after a few songs while Noel valiantly tried to keep the crowd from rioting.

The Oasis official website had this to say about the show:

The Oasis US tour got off to an eventful start in Fort Lauderdale last night when Liam's voice failed part way into the set, during "Go Let It Out." However, instead of stopping the show Noel stepped up to the mic in front of the sell out crowd at the 3,000 capacity open air Pompano Beach Amphitheater and delivered an amazing two hour performance, including a seven song acoustic set and an awesome full band version of Neil Young's "Hey Hey My My". Fans who saw the show said it was incredible. Liam's vocal problems are thought to be the result of the long plane flight to Florida and he is expected to be fine for tomorrow's show in Orlando. If you were at this amazing show we want to hear from you.

I figured my little note/review/response might not be what their website was looking for so I figured that I better publish it here.

Note to Liam

I don't believe you couldn't finish that show. Part way into the set? Nice spin... How about two songs...

If you will be ok tomorrow for Orlando, that is a pretty quick recovery, don't you think? Long plane ride? How about your voice is just gone? How about you just didn't feel like singing in the heat and humidity? $85 is a lot of money for two tickets. You have a responsibility to be honest and pack it in if you can't do the show. The old college try not to disappoint your fans? Not with my money. I might have been happy if you just stood up there and mouthed the words. You probably thought it was too hot. With the bad mix, no one would have known you weren't singing anyway. If you can, just mouth the words in Orlando. We're Americans and idiots, remember?

Amazing show? This show reminded me of the last time I was in Dublin watching an Oasis tribute band. Actually, the tribute band was better than the real deal because at least they had a singer. Maybe Noel needs to take a cue from the horrible Aniston/Wahlberg movie *Rock Star* and give that singer a call.

The promoter should never book you again. This wasn't a club gig for $10 a ticket. Stop treating everyone like fools. You had a throat infection cancelling a show a week ago and you don't cancel this show? Just one more reason why Oasis is close to done.

Noel...please...just start a new band without your brother or give one of those tribute singers a chance.

Final Note: Seriously, if you are considering going to see Oasis on this US tour...forget it...really. I am a fan and it was a waste of time and money. Don't let it happen to you. I should have just stayed home in the air conditioning and listened to the new Flaming Lips with headphones on...what a great recording...thank you Warner Brothers for giving a major label platform to such an innovative, I-don't-care-what-you-think band. First, the Wilco and, now, The Flaming Lips...there is hope...just please let the Wilco documentary play down here...

On a final note, thanks to all that sent supportive e-mails in light of our recent controversy involving the NY Press mention. I received hundreds of e-mails from around the world expressing support. It was highly appreciated by me and all of the writers.

See ya next month.

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